submissive feelings

I have had a couple interactions with Mrs A recently that makes me wonder how much a dominant understands submissive emotions and needs. There are some Dominants who would say who cares, it is my needs and expectations that must be met. My submissive needs should be fulfilled in fulfilling mine.

I can see how that works a percentage of the time. I see that working in a play scenario setting. I do not see that working in a real married or committed relationship.

Mrs A wants me to give up two memberships we have. They are mainly for me. One is to a country club and the other is season tickets to a local college football team. She feels I do not use them enough to make me happy. She rather I spend money somewhere else. She put me on my knees and had me explain why they make me happy. I did but she felt that was not good enough.

The happiness I get from them are from a submissive view. She cannot see that in this setting or at least does not feel it is worth the trade off. It was hard not to stonewall Mrs A. I know that is being a bad diva and she would have pushed though that if I toyed with it longer but she did not.

We have never been one to use sex as a form of punishment. I have seen sex being used as a form of reward though. It feels like punishment when you do not obtain the reward. It is also punishment when you achieve the reward but are not given it.

I think the inconsistency in our FLR and Femdom plays into our problem.
Mrs A does not feel it is inconsistent she knows she is in charge and is very content.  But as the submissive it is very inconsistent. I think some use a contract to help with these things. Mrs A is adamant that will not happen. She wants me to just take charge of telling her when I feel disconnected, but that does not work either. Kind of goes against the grain sort of speak. If I do then it is a submissive being a diva or topping from the bottom.

Now talking of these things they are very minor and we do talk about them. Direction is slow in coming though. We both understand. It is just interesting to see. Mrs A at least is very keen on what my needs are. She still has mixed emotion on taking 100% control of them. She likes this 70/30 thing. I take 30% responsibility and her 70%.

Like last night. She climb into bed and said if I wanted to please her why was I not caressing her, touching her, kissing her body when I felt that urge. So when I did this she then was who gave you permission, who said you could touch me there, etc etc.. To me I am confused and unsure. To her it is clear.. haha

I just find being a submissive there are many things a dominant can do to open a door to the raw side of your heart. When it is opened and feed with love it is the most exciting rewarding thing for both. But when it is opened and overlooked, ignored, even hurt it is so hard to overcome sometimes.

I would love to hear from anyone on how they handle things.