Broken heart syndrome.

The last two weeks have been emotionally intense for me. Mrs A and I have been finding our natural ebb and flow with me being more submissive. We have always been liberal in our view of sex and relationships but it has been an interesting transition.

Mrs A has had a steady lover recently. They really do not play much. She flirts with a few men, most will be people she plans to never meets in person. She also had a one night play date this week with a dominant male. That was portrayed in the last 2 post.

I have struggled with my submissive feelings. I told Mrs A that I worry over these feelings. Am I just owning who I truly am and am struggling against what it means to be truly submissive or am I actually changing who I am and am setting something down in trade off for something else.
She seems to think it is a little of both. Here is her text to me about this thought.

Mrs A: "That is what maturing is, I think. You realize more of who you are and you make your actions reflect that more than just want some vague concept of what society demands.


I wonder what I am letting go? Can I get it back? Do I care?
What changes will this make to Mrs A and I relationship?

I do know we are walking this road together. Mrs A has enjoyed and is very comfortable with all of it so far. At least it appears that way. I think I am driven to explore blogs and see how everyone adapts with similar feelings in their relationships. Many stories or shared feelings resonate to me. Many don't.

Mrs A does not seem to read these bogs. If she does she keeps it from me. I also worry she will interpret other dominants feelings as the ones she would need to have. I know there are dominants I would not be a good sub for.. haha or I think that!

But these recent submissive feelings of love and need to serve Mrs A has made me finally understand why men in long term relationships appear to have a 30% increase risk of dying in the 6 months after the lost of their spouse compared to men who have not lost their spouse. Where women on average to not have the same risk. I think that speaks to their independent dominant nature that women have innately. What draws me to Mrs A is clearly innate in her.