They are willing to lead indirectly more so than directly. They fear the possibility of resentment forming or a subordinate rebelling and not wanting that anymore. They love the power of it but at the same time fear the effects. This I think comes from real life experiences in the past.
As a man these thoughts never crossed my mind. I never really questioned stuff that seemed normal or natural. I now see how I failed in recognizing the negative effects of that. Learning that lesson has been interesting. I looked at myself and found that in many ways those situations where a decision was made or needed, Mrs A would have done a better job. I also realized how comfortable I was with her control of that. Her power and tenderness that comes from being a strong confident bold women was very inviting and comfortable.
Power and tenderness are a combination best left to women. They are innately better at it. We are all safe in letting this happen when the roles are well established. Take parenting for example. Husbands leave the care of a helpless infant to the wife. The total power over such a small person is best managed in her hands. The empathy and tenderness she uses is awe inspiring and amazing to watch even.
I am not saying men cannot play those roles. But looking at a traditional husband led situation we all assume and expect that parenting part to be her role. I am just pointing out a significant reason why we feel that way. What I hope it leads you to ask now is "who is best in managing X?" let X stand for anything important in your life. I personally feel if you are in a loving relationship with a women you will find yourself saying, she would be the best.
What is hard for me at times is seeing how women never understand the potential and power they actually wield. They seem so drawn to men who look like they are strong and in charge and know what is best. They want this over confident bold alpha male. But then they hate it when they are not tender or empathic towards them. They love the power but are upset there is no tenderness. It is classic. They all are looking for that "prince charming" to save them. No person wants to play the savior of another. It is to much of burden. Even in light of that. Those men who are all power and no tenderness will ever get it. Thus, women at some point will realize that he is a "player" and no one likes to be played.
That is why I think most women who are in tune with themselves and understand the strengths they bring to the table are really looking for a successful alpha looking male who inside has a sub side.
Now, I know the above dialogue is written in terms of generalities. That many exceptions are freely seen everywhere. I am hoping the forest is what you see. Not just a single tree.
me
I say play the player ladies!
Hi again .... I couldn't agree more about the general comments that you made about "women". Most of the time, those things are true.
ReplyDeleteFor whatever it is worth, when I was contemplating the desire for a FLM, I needed to know why. What was my purpose? Why did I think this would be a good thing for our marriage? Was I just hoping to lure my wife into an "arrangement" that will conveniently allow me to meet my kink in some sort of ruse that I had justified in my mind? I needed to understand the reason why I was drawn to the hope that WE would benefit from this.
The very first thing I did was to stop using the "general" things I saw, heard and read about, as my guidelines or units of measure. I was very careful not to lump our relationship, or my wife into any group of people. Not as a woman, not as a wife, not as a Domme. I loved my wife more than anything. One day, she jokingly made a comment, wondering if we would be as in love, as playful and as compatible once the kids had grown and left the nest. At the time, I was like most guys ... masturbating whenever I wanted to. Because my sexual desire would often wash down the drain of the shower many mornings, my sexual energy had become focused solely on me and not at all on my wife. There were times when she would want to make love and i was too tired, or uninterested, likely because I had masturbated earlier that day. I didn't love her any less, or find her any less attractive sexually ... I had just allowed myself to be primarily focused on my sexual needs, which over time seemed to (unintentionally) require less and less of her participation.
Long story short (too late), I realized that a FLM would naturally allow me to focus all of my sexual energy where it belonged. To her. Once I realized that was indeed my reason for wanting to approach her with this, the rest became easy and we haven't looked back since. I orgasm very, very rarely, yet I have never had better sex in my entire life. The best part? ALL of my sexual thoughts, desires and intentions are SOLELY focused on my beloved mistress Wife. All of them! I literally no longer have a sexual thought or fantasy that doesn't include my wife.
It's a nice place to be.
Thanks for sharing. It is amazing how things work for each of us in different ways but the end goal is happiness in our marriage. I love those kind of stories.
ReplyDeleteOrgasm control was exciting to me when I read the idea. I had never considered it before. But the kink did appeal to me as a way to add spice to our sex life. Mrs A loves me coming. It is important to her. She feels that is a physical way my body tells her that she is good at sex and that feels rewarding to her as a women. She struggled with way I did not want it. Like it may be something wrong with her when we first talked. But that issue has been settled. She enjoys it now.
We play with it when she is in the mood for that. It is about 2 a week at the most. She likes it on those days when she wants more control. But she has told me very clear I cannot masterbate without her permission. She is in total control of my orgasms. The one thing that came from her lips that she was very clear in ordering was that. I still remember the words.
"I want all of you." I want you to save all of you for me."
It has been somewhat easy.. haha. We are a very sexual couple. Even before we played with all this we have sex daily. But it is fun for us. I love the constant state of erotic arousal I have. "yes I am getting old". She loves the power exchange.